Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
