i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
