I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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