You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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