Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
