remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
