Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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