Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Bring me that man meat
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
