Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize
