Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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