hotel room ftw
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
