guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
