Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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