9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
