he puts the penis in happiness.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
