and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
