btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
