She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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