A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
