His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
