He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
