the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
