i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
