Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's blow job season.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
