it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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