she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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