please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
