i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
