Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
