did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
