I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
