He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
