...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
