I want to walk on stilts...naked
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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