My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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