we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
