the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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