Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
