i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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