i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
