This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
