someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
