the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
