i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
