Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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