Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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