We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
so let's talk penis.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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