5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
