Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
