Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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