So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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