My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
