I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
