4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
