you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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