guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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