i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
