Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
you had me at cake vodka
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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