im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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